As soon as I got on Beautiful Boy I knew he was in one of these tense, scared-of-the-world states. Within 20 minutes he threw me. Hard. I landed on my back and for the first minute couldn’t expel any breath or sound. Then what came out sounded like a strangled rabbit.

Am I okay? No. My back is bad. Hubby did Reiki on it, The equine chiropractor, who was there yesterday, did his ultra-sonic on it, and I’m using Traumeel, a homeopathic ointment. I can’t get myself up out of bed w/o assistance but at least I am now walking w/o looking like a hunchback.

Apart from my back hurting, I’m really tired of this attitude that never seems to improve. So tired of it that I am now considering selling him. With Dear One dead, I feel no sentimentality towards the remaining horses. My life has narrowed to what can fit on the head of a pin. I am drained of much of my ability to cope.

Hubby said there would always be some *ahem* person (read sucker) who would buy him because he’s beautiful.

What I really fear is that these fear issues that he has will never be resolved. I mean, he’s 13 years old and should be over this crap. Nope. Instead it’s “ohmigod a leaf!” “ohmigod someone coming out of the barn!” “ohmigod a wheelbarrow“.

There is something cockeyed in his stupid brain that will never be “fixed.” Or perhaps I just don’t have the patience, time and money to do so.