Today made me think back to the TTeam clinic I went to about a year ago where I had to work with 3 OTTB who were used for Eventing. Large horses who the owner kept telling us horror stories about their behavior (none of which I saw in 6 days).
This clinic was a revelation to me in many things and perhaps it’s time to regroup and think on that – what was revealed and what I’ve learned and what I may or may not have applied since.
Some of the clinic horses (not pictured) were very large, strong, young things that had a lot of energy. I was working alongside people that I did not know with horses I did not know. Why this was extremely stressful is that up to that time I had been very protective of myself and what horses I exposed myself too. Due to some life experiences I am extremely distrustful of people and what they tell me about their horses. This was a direct protective maneuver from me because of the horse back riding accident 11 years ago.
It was also the first time in years that I had ridden someone eases horse. Not only riding a horse I didn’t know – that I had seen no one else ride – but a horse that was placed in the Lindell and Balance Rein – and I had no bit. That was a leap of faith let me tell you though every one around me ignored it.
I felt vulnerable at that clinic. I also felt ignored and undervalued. Or maybe it was because they thought I wouldn’t get in trouble so left me alone. Who knows? However we grow stagnant over time and that clinic proved to me that my fear was getting in the way of living.
Am I growing stagnant again? I am not sure I am making the best of what I’m being offered and perhaps I’m still living in too much fear of living fully.