I am still adjusting to being back from vacation. Too many people. Too much noise. The music and the televisions at the places where we eat is driving me a bit crazy. The amount of traffic is causing me to stress again. From last weeks’ slow eddy and flow, a realization of how this life’s current moves too swiftly, swirling me around rocks.
On vacation, we did a simple walking meditation. I noticed that when I lost my balance, I tried to regain it by moving too quickly. Often this resulted in a rushed step that wasn’t placed as well as it could have been. Generally, I lost my balance more and to scramble to regain it. What a metaphor for life! What a metaphor what happens to me when rush the process (“let’s just get to the end of this because the journey boring or worrisome”).
Remember to breath. Another thing I forget. Isn’t our breathe the most powerful drive for our survival? More so then water, food or movement. Without breath, then we die or become brain damaged. But how often do I breathe high in the chest or hold my breath – way too much. I can’t hold the Yoga asana or concentrate for the Tai Chi form without holding my breath. I can’t do the transition, follow the pattern of the test, or get the canter transition without a held breath.
I hold my breathe as if my life depends on it – and it does not. The paradox is that I need my breath to live, yet, I deny myself that nourishment when I need it most.
The held breath translates tension throughout the body. Doing the yoga and Tai Chi and understanding that yes, when I strain and concentrate, I lose the breathe and I must return to the breath and the grounding before I can hold that position – now THAT has illuminated my life and riding. The off-the-horse lessons – translates back to the riding.
Yes, sometimes I am slow. Sometimes life has to kick me in the head. Sometimes I have to take these lessons sideways, learning at a different pace then others. It’s all well and good to intellectually understand – but until the cellular, emotional and spiritual levels grasp and internalize it, the lesson is not learned and remains transitory and easy to lose.
Still back to the old life makes me realize it must change further: become slower, more deliberate and full of daily appreciation of living the moment.