Didn’t feel as trepiditous this time around. I wonder if the unknown isn’t more of a bother to me then anything else?
I know part of it too is building up a level of trust in the horse I’m riding. Although Rock spooked in our first lesson, it was a spook I could sit and I still feel that overall she is a very solid horse and not prone to prancy, ohmigod life is so scary stuff like Beautiful Boy was.
Another point that was very frustrating last Tuesday was trying to figure out Rock’s cues. Molly rides her quite a bit differently then I do my horses so I had none of the steering that I rely upon. When riding someone elses’ horse I tend to back off pushing them around until I know more from the horse how they tolerate pressure – how much and where.
Somehow though that all got magically sorted out and Thursday I suddenly had steering and had figured out someway to keep her going.
And of coure the emotional turmoil of the last two years, having someone criticize (hmmm we decided to go with the word critique) my riding and all that vulnerability really caught up with me Tuesday. Tuesday gave me a crash review of things that bother me: feeling not worthy, frustration, not doing things “right”, doing something wrong, feeling humilated in public, and the horrible feeling like I’ve left out in the middle of the ocean treading water with no liferaft in sight.
Today, though seemed more “normal” – and there was more of a feeling of being on an even keel. Strangely enough the nervousness comes and goes. I wasn’t nervous until the very end of the lesson when I was riding Rocks out in the big paddock alone.
General: work on leg position more forward, coordinating hand cues, staying ahead of Rocks on her bracing.