the dark side of joy

Finally visited the horses. It took hubby’s help to get me going. I was reluctant because the last two weekends I’ve bumped into people I’m trying to avoid.

Because of privacy concerns, I don’t want to delve too deeply into it all here. Suffice to say that when I am away from my horses too long, I think long and hard about finding them other homes. It’s a spiraling downward of sacrifice, depression, and retreat that can be very seductive in it’s intensity.

This is not a simple mental thing to correct (“just be happy and get out to your horses!”) as it stems from childhood survival training that has many long years of history behind it that has distorted not only my own life, but that of my four siblings. Luckily, I am more introspective then my siblings so am more aware, and I also have a hubby who keeps me back on a track that is not as productive and self-sacrifical as I might like but does have more joy to it.

The good news is that the horses didn’t hold it against me. They were full of spunk with the cooler weather and it soothed my soul to see them happy and eager for carrots.

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2 Responses to the dark side of joy

  1. catspeaks says:

    its always nice to have something you can depend on when you need it, something promising. And animals tend to be just that 🙂
    they can work wonders or they can heal temporarily. wish i could give good advice but im in the same pickle-except that im away from all my pets and family.

  2. catspeaks says:

    thanks, and yea im seeing my family this weekend actually, its our midsemester (fall) break, im really excited and i might see some friends too.

    your horse is absolutely beautiful by the way, thats a sign of a good owner 🙂

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